I wake up most mornings with an insatiable desire that I have often mislabeled as “inspiration” or “drive.” Constantly I am finding myself looking for more. More home improvements. More meal prep recipes. More exercise routines. More hobbies. More skills. More material possessions.
I sit in my office and spend hours staring at my glowing laptop screen like it will provide me with the answers I am searching for, before I’ve even sat down and asked myself what the question is. I recently read an article about the millennial scam to feel obligated to turn your hobbies into financially profitable “side gigs.” This is something I relate to more than I care to admit.
When I sit down and reflect on where this energy has come from, I find it in my writing even before I began my career -- as far back to before I even started high school. The answers never seemed clear and I would write about days when I had moment of clarity in an otherwise thick fog that rolled through my life path. It wasn’t until an actress I worked with asked me a simple question.
“When you find yourself looking for something, why not look for it in yourself? Why not cultivate it yourself? You seem like a strong, smart and capable enough woman.”
It almost knocked the wind out of me. I spent years preaching about cultivating what you want in your life and learning when you’re being held back -- I never realized that A) I was holding myself back so much and B) I had the power to not only let go, but push myself onwards.
To jump back to my second paragraph: self reflection has been a huge accessory in my growth. The number one root to my problems seem to stem from the same seed: patience. Or should I say lack thereof? As a Taurus, I know I am a energetically streamlined for success. However, this stubborn attitude to challenge and overcome hardships paired with the amount of crazy circumstances I am subjected to has curated an aerodynamic version of myself that makes compartmentalizing my emotions simple.
When I compartmentalize my emotions, I often forget to revisit why they came up in the first place, why I need to process them, and why even the bad emotions are important to my growth. Patience is hugely important to me because it is the centre of balance to my life, whether I want to recognize it or not.
A huge test for me is to put the laptop and phone down and regroup. Remind myself how hard I’ve worked and how easy it is to reach burnout when you don’t recognize patience with yourself. When you don’t listen to boundaries, there are physical and mental repercussions. Catching colds, feeling drained, frustrated crying, binge eating (or shopping -- super guilty). Slow down and listen to yourself more. You know that idea of driving around a crappy car, but turning up the radio to ignore the sounds your engine is making so you don’t need to get it fixed?
That is exactly what overworking is. We don’t constantly need to be efficient. Rest. Relax. Regroup. Realign.